compulsion, compression, expansion, and explosion...

gone. again. charlie.
i'm starting to feel like i live with a traveling salesman. if you do, my sympathies. my solitude ends for the year with this trip. after this, i go with him. not because i put my foot down and insisted that i'm breaking up with him if he leaves me alone again, or because he missed me so much last time he said he's never going anywhere without me again (he did say that, which is sweet, but that's not why i get to go). and also not because i drank his diet gingerale. i get to go on the rest of the trips because i just do.

knowing that i get to go as a result of nothing starts me thinking about how often we twist circumstances to provide ourselves with explanations. you know, the way we always recognize "signs" of things to come after the thing has already come and gone. what matthew sanford calls "this longing for a connection deeper than random [that] defines the human condition". the truth is that we live in a random universe, where our human compulsion to connect the dots backwards can't affect the reality that exists in a moment. 

energy attracts like energy...laugh and the world laughs with you, weep, and you weep...hmmm...alone. at first that may sound like i'm contradicting myself, but i'm not really. positive energy is expansive, negative energy compressive. explosive vs. implosive. these are the forces at work in this random universe. the reality of some moments can be difficult to accept. add resistance, and let the compression begin. allow it to be what it is, for no reason other than it is, and watch the expansive energy of this beautifully random existence engulf and absorb it. it's a new moment.